i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
