there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
whose ass print is on the piano?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
