Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
