I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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