mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
