I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
