Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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