Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Randomize
