i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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