Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I wear drunk well.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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