so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
