Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
