i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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