i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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