If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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