Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
and she was petting her beer can
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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