Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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