oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
