I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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