All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
