Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My ass is underappreciated
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
