I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize