the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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