Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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