Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
