i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
