you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
