I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize