I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
