i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
