So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
