I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
