PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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