he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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