Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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