It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
