Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
