Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
