My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I can't turn off my feet"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
