you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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