as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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