You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
