this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
