Apparently you make a good broom.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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