PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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