Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
