I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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