the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
