You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
