I think my vagina is haunted
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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