She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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