Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
