i just had sex bonerless
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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