I would go down on you faster than GM stock
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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