She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
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After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
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We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
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