So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
