are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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