i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
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today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
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Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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