Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
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I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
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I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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