he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
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Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
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Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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