Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
