In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Where did you get a picture of my penis
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
