I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I love you. Go after that dick
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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