I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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