I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
