Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My ATM looks so different sober.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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