I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize