he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize