I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We left the knife in your bed.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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