Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
