I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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