kristin has been a bad kristin
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
