Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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