all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
