It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
