Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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