What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
