I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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