I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
