I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
