I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
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About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
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Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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