You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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