Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
