I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
