You made me cry and you don't even care
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
