im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
