I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
