I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
