Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
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