What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
