Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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