Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
