My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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