I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
